


Loki and Cecilie - Part 7

by riddlemetitillatedhiddles (ninecats)



Series: Loki and Cecilie [7]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Dreams, F/M, Psychic Bond, Soul Bond, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-26
Updated: 2012-11-26
Packaged: 2017-11-19 14:10:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/574100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninecats/pseuds/riddlemetitillatedhiddles





	Loki and Cecilie - Part 7

 

        "I'll be right back, husband." she stated tersely, pulling her hand away and retreating to the bathroom. She had waited forever to hear her name from Loki's mouth. And her Asgardian name, no less.  _Sesilida. I am Sesilida._ Now that her memories had completely returned, she felt Cecilie fading from her mind. She was Sesilida now. And she was Loki's wife.

_Sesilida_. The nights when she had still hoped upon hope that he would treat her sweetly, how she had longed to hear him say that name to her. Hear him speak softly, in kindness and not in hate. But when it happened, finally, it repulsed her. She could only think of the pain and endless assaults.

When she came back into the room, Loki had fallen back asleep. She placed the cool cloth to his forehead, hoping to make him feel better. While she had activated the amulet, it had been almost an hour and no answer. She wondered if they were going to respond at all. 

Staring at his face, tears began to pool in her eyes until they spilled freely onto her cheeks, burning her skin. He looked so beautiful, so helpless, so…  _peaceful_.

 

****

 

But Loki's mind was not peaceful. It was a raging storm, all the emotions tempest-tossed with his memories, no coherence to be found. His internal demons were waging war for his soul and using his subconscious as their battleground. He dreamt of terrible things. Awful things. And they were all things he had done. Instead of just seeing them, though, he  _lived_  them.  _Felt_ them. Through the eyes, the minds, the  _souls_  of his victims. 

_"Please, no!" The cries echo. The panic. He can smell the fear. Death is everywhere. He feels it in his bones. Every part of him screams with pain and terror._

__ Each time he fell back to sleep, it took him and twisted him until he felt he couldn't withstand any more pain. He would wake up and see her. See her there, by his side. She refused to look at him.

"Sesilida?" At first, it killed him. So much anger, so much hate. It ripped him apart to even have these urges. But they were so strong. He wanted her touch, wanted her…  _love_.

She would only answer, "Yes, husband?" Her voice flat, eyes blank, never meeting his. At first he was angry, and he wanted to lash out at her.  _How dare she refuse me?_   Eventually, he just felt shame. He would turn away, the embarrassment so acute, his face turning red. It was utter humiliation to be asking her for attention, asking her for  _affection_. And yet, he kept trying. It was as if suddenly he needed it, like his very breath. A compulsion, it consumed him. He needed her desperately.

And then it got worse.

Loki dreamt he was Sesilida. He could feel the love she had for him, emanating from her, so strong and so fulfilling. How it calmed him. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so complete. And then he could feel her love fading, stolen by his own actions, poisoned by his own hate. Replacing the loving, sweet girl with an empty shell. He didn't know how to explain that the hate was not for her, it was for himself. Explanations didn't matter any longer anyway. Not after the pain he had made her endure.

He wanted to, though. He didn't understand at first. He couldn't comprehend why, but it overtook him nonetheless. The desire to give her something, give her anything and everything that could mitigate what he had done. 

_"Please, Loki, no…"_

The screams still echoed in his memories and he cringed. He couldn't reconcile these feelings with the monster he had become. But, oh, how he wanted her. Oh, how he was drawn to her; his chest felt as if it would burst. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted…

 

****

 

Over the next day, Loki drifted in and out of consciousness, the only requiescence during the few moments when he was awake and Sesilida was beside him. He could smell her, that light scent, reminding him of home. Reminding him of everything that ever felt right. Before he let the horrors take him. 

Sesilida never left. Fetching him cool compresses, getting him food and drink, which she fed him in small amounts when he could find the strength, watching his every move. Loki couldn't believe she stayed. It made him feel as if there was a chance to make it up to her. But at night, she did not join him in their bed. Instead, she slept in a chair in the corner, curled up in a little ball, a blanket falling off her legs. He wanted to ask her, but he knew he could not.

 

****

 

Three days later, Sesilida knew. There would be no-one from Asgard coming to get them. Loki was still racked with fever, delirious at times. But he always remembered her name. And he said it more and more. When he was asleep, it was a plea, like an invocation, begging her to him. Awake, he said it tentatively, his eyes looking everywhere but in hers, his lids heavy with regret.

She couldn't care. She couldn't let herself be swayed. For all she knew it was a ploy, a way to get back to Asgard. If he wasn't going to love her, she could at least make sure he would never hurt anyone else. Even if it meant sacrificing her own comfort, her own happiness, even her own life. Once he was well again, then she'd see the true Loki again. She knew it. 

 

****

 

Two weeks passed with Loki fighting the fever. As a Jötun, he was particularly susceptible to the heat and his body suffered tremendously. He hallucinated, thrashed in his sleep, sweated profusely. There was a point when Sesilida actually thought Loki might die. But slowly he began to feel better. Slowly he was able to walk again, then finally use his magical abilities. He had lost a lot of weight, and his face was gaunt. 

One day, Sesilida brought him dinner and went to sit in the chair as she waited for him to finish. He still was weak, and so she still brought him his meals, cleaned up after him, waited for him while he bathed. She was like a servant, although she didn't mind. He wasn't touching her, and that made her relieved. 

After he was finished, she got up to fetch the plates and take them back to the kitchen. She always felt nervous near him, and Loki could sense it. Pangs of regret reverberated through his body as he watched her tremble around him. "Thank you, Sesilida."

"You are welcome, husband." She turned stoically and began to leave, but Loki needed to try. He needed to know the possibility was still there.

"Sesilida?" His voice tremulous as he struggled to force himself to speak. Knowing she would reject him, again, but needing… something. Her.

"Yes, husband." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. She looked up at him, her eyes vacant.

"I… " He looked down awkwardly, trying to find the words. "I am sorry."

For a brief moment, Loki could see her eyes flicker, but just as quickly it was gone. She sighed softly and turned, heading for the door. "Yes, husband."

 

****

 

He did not try again. Not at first. The better he felt, the less he saw her. She still slept in the chair, but she did not wait while he bathed or bring him his meals. She disappeared, for hours at a time. He looked forward to the brief moment at night, before she fell asleep, when he could see her. He would not sleep. Sitting at the edge of the bed, he would watch her. Her perfect graceful form, the rise and fall of her chest, her tiny toes poking out from beneath her blanket. Loki drank in her beauty, basking in it, wanting so badly to touch her. He knew, though, that he could not. Some nights, when he was particularly lonely, he would cry softly. No sounds, just tears, falling along his face. Longing for her. Pining for her.

Sesilida waited for him to pounce. She couldn't believe that his apology was heartfelt. She knew it was only a matter of time before his kindness reverted to hate and violence. But as the weeks passed, Loki did not hurt her. She would catch him sometimes, watching her, but when she turned, he would look down, blushing like a schoolboy. Then she started finding things around, a flower here, a trinket there. It had to be him, obviously. She wasn't ready though. She just couldn't….

But she  _was_  softening. Whether she wanted to or not. Even though she didn't admit it to herself, she was gradually melting. The love she had for Loki was so strong, it could never be depleted completely. It inhabited her heart and soul. He was a part of her, and she a part of him. No matter how much she cursed his name under her breath, she still loved him. Still waited for the day he would return her love truly. 

 

****

 

One night, Loki summoned the courage and decided to try again. He was pacing nervously next to their marital bed, wondering how to say it. "Sesilida?"

Sesilida settled into the chair, pulling the blanket haphazardly over her legs as she did every night, still full of trepidation. She wasn't totally convinced he would not start the nightly rituals again. Her stomach dropped when he said it; she was convinced that was what he wanted. A catch in her voice betrayed her calm demeanor as she answered as she always did: "Yes, husband."

"You…" He tried to look at her, but she stared slightly past him, her face tensed almost imperceptibly. He could feel the fear, and it burned through him. "You should.. maybe... sleep in the bed. I'm feeling much better now, and I… I can sleep in the chair. Or in another room, if you so wish." Loki's head dropped and he wrung his hands anxiously, hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

"I…" She didn't quite know what to say. It caught her completely off-guard and she stood there for a minute, trying to think. "I don't… I mean, I…"

It made him feel worse, the stuttering, that look of shock. He wanted to comfort her, as she had done him. "I apologize, I did not mean to make you uncomfortable. I shall go to one of the other rooms. You may call if you need…" He trailed off, unsure of how to mask his disappointment and worried it was now obvious. 

"I'm sorry I just don't…"

"I understand. I am sorry. Goodnight, Sesilida." Walking towards the door, he could sense her energy. Her entire being was so full of light, a light he had almost extinguished. He felt worthless. He had pushed away the one person who had given him love unconditionally, who didn't make him feel worse. And he had punished her for it. 

"Wait…"

He stopped, holding his breath, waiting for her to finish. "Yes?"

Uncertainty gripped her, but she couldn't push him away. Not on this night. Even after everything, she wanted more than anything for him to love her. "You may stay… You may stay in the bed… with me, but please…" She took a deep breath, tears glistening in her eyes. "Please, Loki don't…"

His head dropped, the shame overcoming him, emotions crushing him, his throat closing up. "I'm so sorry. I truly am sorry."

"You may stay with me. But please, Loki…" She shook her head, the conflicting emotions overtaking her. "I am not sure I trust that you are being truthful. And I cannot withstand…" She finally looked up at him and she saw it. She saw the shame, saw the emotion, saw the tears welling up in his eyes.

"Thank you, Sesilida. Thank you." Sesilida saw something she'd never seen before. Loki's face relaxed briefly and he looked… happy. Then he dropped his head again. "I will sleep on top of the blankets."

Sesilida climbed under the covers and Loki hesitantly joined her, staying on top of the bedding and making sure there was space between them. His breath was shaky as he laid there, stiffly holding his limbs to his sides, trying not to move. But inside, his heart swelled, hope blooming that he could make things right. "Goodnight, Loki."

"Goodnight, Sesilida."

 


End file.
